RumbleMania

Usually the day after the Royal Rumble, we have one or two matches figured out. Obviously the world title match, maybe a feud that arrises from the rumble. The rest? Well there’s eight or nine episodes each of Raw, Smackdown and ECW and a whole other PPV to watch to figure all that out.

But now, two days removed from The Rumble, it seems like the entire Wrestlemania 25 card is laid out.

But back to the Rumble for a second. Randy Orton’s win was significant because he became the first heel to win the rumble in ten years and, assuming things don’t get screwed up, will be the first heel to cash in a legitimate royal rumble victory for a world title match at Wrestlemania since Michaels did it at Wrestlemania 11. Admittedly, Batista was technically a heel when he won the rumble, but the gears to his turn had been going and the fans were more behind him, arguably, than any other guy in the rumble.

Fourteen years, wow.

WWE usually tells one of two stories at the rumble, the amazing comeback turned into a Rumble win (Trips, Cena), the plucky underdog beating the odds (Mysterio, Benoit, Austin) or the dominant babyface, well, dominating (Taker, Batista). This year, they finally showed a wrestler succombing to the insurmountable odds against him, and the rumble itself was better for it. I’m not saying this as an Orton mark (which I am) or a fan of heels in general (again, I’ll admit I am) but because it’s nice to see something different.

As far as Mania goes…with maybe a few swerves, it’s looking like we’re going to see all of the following.

Orton vs Cena: This one has me groaning until I remember their match at Summerslam 07. These two are such mirrors of each other that putting them together has been gold. However, if WWE threw Batista in the mix, now THAT would be a main event, even though they’ve been triple threat heavy the last few manias.

Edge vs Trips: It’s amazing that these two haven’t had a one on one match worthy of mention, since they’ve dominated main events for the last three years. I’m confident these two can put on a good show, though I’d rather see Taker vs Trips, this is the only logical title match Smackdown can do.

Hardy vs Hardy: This match will be all in the booking. These two are too old and too established to put on the spotfest they should have had in their youth, but they also need to avoid a weak match the likes of which we saw when they broke up for the first time eight years ago. Let the brothers go beyond typical WWE style a bit by making the match no-dq, but keep it safe and use storytelling.

Undertaker vs Vladimir Kozlov: Again, this match is the only one that makes sense. At least this time they’ve actually taken time to build up the monster heel before feeding him to Taker, unlike past Taker non-mania feuds like Heidenreich and Khali. My guess is Kozlov costs Taker the Elimination Chamber match at NWO. The problem with this is that the outcome is too obvious, WWE isn’t going to give Taker’s big mania loss to Vlad, no matter how hard they push him.

Chris Jericho vs Mickey Rourke: I’m not a fan of stunt casting, but Mayweather/Show worked so well last year, on both a publicity and, actually, wrestling quality standpoint that this match alone is making me consider buying tickets. WWE need to build this right, have people telling Rourke that he’s delusional, that getting in the ring is a bad career move, now that he has his career back, but Rourke will stay gung ho about it as Jericho alternately eggs him on and tries to get him to listen to reason, feigning concern but really out of fear. Rourke has to hit the Ram Jam, but I’m not sure how WWE would end this match, not that that’s up to me.

Scrambled storylines

WWE did exactly two things right at Summerslam.

Not counting Undertaker’s win, which was so obvious that I half expected WWE to give Edge the clean win just to shock everyone, like they did at ONS.

The two things were the awesome CM Punk/JBL match and the amazing, intense segment involving Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels, which is the best thing WWE has done since their equally intense, equally realistic, equally silent Big Show/Mayweather segment six months ago.

So when WWE brought both of these angles together at the end of Raw on Monday in a CM Punk/Jericho match, the best match I’ve seen on television all summer, I’d venture to say, I should have been pretty excited.

Instead, I’m just asking why.

Why give Jericho a relatively clean win over Punk without Michaels even making an appearance and just going off the air right after that? Why bother making Punk look weak in a non-title match that furthers absolutely no gimmick or storyline? I loved the little bit of buildup we got to this match, but now that’s wasted. Why? Because now we’ve got the fucking championship scramble.

What a ridiculous idea. WWE did something like this back at Wrestlemania 2000, back during the “attitude” area called the Hardcore Invitational Battle Royal, even though it was in no way, shape, or form a battle royal. The match was a joke (to give you an idea of the quality of wrestlers, it was won by Hardcore Holly, though it did contain some legit talents like the late, great Crash Holly and JBL who, eight and a half years later, is competing in the same match for the world title) and this match is going to be the same. WWE needs to get CM Punk over as a champion, and they need to do it with one-on-one matches with a story. You can’t do a story with five guys, you just can’t. Since the match was announced, and I first initially groaned, two additional rules have been announced.

Good rule: The various “title changes” during the match don’t go down in the record books. For example, we won’t have something ridiculous like WWE using the Smackdown scramble for the sole purpose of giving HHH a few extra world title reigns so he can get closer to Naitch’s record (somthing Trips is clearly being groomed to do, especially with Flair gone form the WWE).

Bad rule: The match starts with two guys, new guy every five minutes, blah blah blah. Just let them all go at it. Sure, it will be a clusterfuck, but this match has clusterfuck and lazy booking written all over it in the first place.

WWE had a perfect feud set up with Jericho and Punk at Unforgiven. After Jericho won the match, he’d challenge Punk, who wouldn’t back down, for the three weeks leading up, Michaels wouldn’t be seen or heard of, leading us to think he had retired. At Unforgiven, Cade tries to interfere only to get superkicked by Shawn. Meanwhile, CM Punk hits the GTS for a clean pin. Afterwards, Michaels runs in the ring and superkicks Jericho, then calls out his wife, still sporting black eye makeup inexplicably four weeks after she was punched (it’s for dramatic purposes, it doesn’t have to make sense) who punches Jericho. Cade, who tries to get Michaels, gets a knee from Punk, who relishes all of this.

This match would have a real story (Punk defending the honor of WWE athletes and fans in Michaels’ absence, Jericho thinking he can beat Punk and being cocky, etc). It would have drama during the match and at the end. It would lead to a natural, sensical PPV match, one which would end the greatest feud of ‘08, and it would give Punk a clean win. Meanwhile, WWE could have turned John Cena, frustrated after three PPV losses in a row, setting up Cena/Punk at Cyber Sunday and Survivor Series (and Armegeddon probably).

There’s a good chance Punk is going to lose the belt at Unforgiven without even being pinned, Punk’s reign as champion being forgotten. etc.

Meanwhile, over on Smackdown, I’m torn. All the challengers in the match, save Jeff Hardy, have never had a world title shot on a PPV. All four are talented and young with loads of potential. I love and hate putting Kendrick in the match. The guy can do a lot of great things in the ring and will do great things in the match, but I think he’s in there just to get pinned by Trips. It’s also WAY too early in his push to give him this high-profile of a match. Putting Vladimir Kozlov in the match would make more sense, with Kozlov destroying everyone, including Trips, then being pinned by HHH, setting up a feud between the two. Meanwhile, Edge, Undertaker, and The Great Khali, all of which would be great in this (yes, I just said The Great Khali would be great in a match). Instead, this match is going to only further the developing partnership between MVP/Benjamin in their feud against Hardy, with Trips and Kendrick thrown in seemingly just for funsies. There’s no way anyone buy HHH is walking out with the belt, though I have been surprised before. Hardy’s the only one I could see leaving the match as champion other than HHH. Of course, MVP leaving with the belt would be a great way to start a feud between him and HHH, which would be awesome at Survivor Series.

In more positive news, WWE gave Takeshi Morishima a dark match at Monday’s Raw tapings and, like Danielson, Morishima was actually allowed to beat an established WWE star. Now when Danielson got the tryout match, marks made a big deal of what it now appears was nothing. Morishima has one thing Danielson doesn’t have though, he has the look WWE likes. He’s built almost exactly like JBL, and wrestles like a more vicious, more athletic version of the wrestler. The guy’s English language barrier may be a problem, I’m not sure how much English Morishima speaks, but in a time when it seems like WWE is trying to push international (or fake international) talent like Kozlov, Burchill and Katie Lea, Kofi Kingston, and Santino Marella, I think Morishima would fit in quite nicely. Besides, he has a gimmick absolutely no one can mess up, big scary foreigner is angry. I love what Smackdown is doing with Kozlov, who has about one-third of the talent of Morishima and is putting on impressive matches week after week, with Morishima on Raw or ECW (he did come out managed by Tony Atlas), things could really pick up. Morishima could bring the increasingly popular “strong” style to either brand in full force.

Worst Summerslam ever?

With SummerSlam shaping up, I have to stop and ask myself

“Seriously?”
On the Smackdown side, we have a match we’ve already seen three times on PPV this year, without even a title to keep it interesting in Edge vs Taker. Now Edge vs Taker doesn’t need a title to be hot, but this match just won’t be. Undertaker’s return was supposed to be BIG. They made his “banishment” a pretty big deal and tried their best to convince us it was real. Now instead of a vengeful Taker coming back with a vengeance, he’s become a pawn in the Edge/Vickie storyline, which I still don’t buy. Edge had absolutely no motive for trying to spear Alicia Fox at GAB, thus him spearing Vickie accidentally doesn’t make any sense to me. I thought that whole segment with HHH and Edge last week was a bit too much anyway. Resorting to fat jokes about Vickie? After being widowed, left to take care of the kids on her own, and then brought into WWE by a belief that it’s “what Eddie would have wanted” (I feel sorry for Vickie because I really think she thinks this, something tells me her physical appearance is not at the top of her priorities. Anyway, I’m already bored by Edge/Vickie and the way it’s staying the top storyline on Smackdown despite HHH running around with the belt pinning Edge, etc.
Which brings me to Smackdown’s big world title match. At Summerslam, what used to be the second or third biggest show of the year, the big world title match is…HHH vs The Great Khali? The only thing that brought down last year’s Summerslam was Batista/Khali. I feel like HHH/Khali is going to be more of the same. Not only is Khali bad in the ring, he has ZERO heat going into this match. Before the battle royal, who has Khali beaten all summer long? He’s been squashing jobbers, and not even doing that on a regular basis. WWE is getting a lot more risky with their booking lately. While it’s working on Raw, Smackdown is just going to hell, but isn’t that always the case?
Speaking of Raw, we don’t have any matches announced right now, but it’s shaping up like JBL/Punk and either Batista/Kane or Batista/Cena. Batista/Kane seems to be the more logical match so it looks like it’s going to be Cena/Batista, espesh with Raw’s ending and John Cena actually TELLING the fans after Raw that his punch was going to set up a match between him and ‘Tist,. Meanwhile, Kane, who’s in the middle of a heel turn which may put his mask back on and make him ten times more threatening and interesting, will have no opponent. No matter who Batista faces, the other guy will interfere. Example: if we get Cena/Batista in a historic first time ever match, it will end in DQ when Kane runs in, ruining the possibility of a Cena/Batista rematch for a few months at least and making the entire match mean nothing. If Kane/Batista fight, Cena will “accidentally” cost Batista in the match by running out once Kane starts to cheat, suspending disbelief (what the hell is wrong with John Cena’s aim, etc.) and meaning that nothing will come of Kane’s first feud back as a heel.
Meanwhile, WWE is presenting a PPV match, a world title match even, the biggest belt on the biggest show, that we saw on free TV four weeks ago. A match which, while the ending was a bit dusty, was pretty clean and a match that will without a doubt end the exact same way. With neither CM Punk or JBL coming off big wins (JBL’s win against Cena came off as a fluke and Cena looked superior the next night) this match won’t make a lot of sense. Mind you, people will still cheer. Punk can get fans behind him with or without heat, ditto that times negative two for JBL (srsly JBL can get people to boo him by essentially talking for three minutes).
And over on WWE’s red-headed stepchild ECW, Matt Hardy vs Mark Henry will end with Henry on top, essentially helping no one If Henry loses the belt here, he’ll be a forgotten champion and if Hardy loses, he won’t get another shot any time in the near future.
So while last year’s Summerslam offered an incredible Cena/Orton main event and the return of a leaner HHH and Summerslam two years ago had the awesome Flair/Foley “I Quit” match, this year, we get to see, well, at least Punk’s good.

Raw was awesome

You won’t hear me say this very often, but Raw tonight, well, it was almost perfect.

I can not believe the difference the draft made on this show. It went from a predictable show, where new talent was rarely utilized, to a fresh show where the fans truly believe that anything can happen. Though after Punk’s World Title win, Raw has considerably settled down on the surprise department.

The Punk vs Kane match was the best I’ve seen out of either of these two guys in months, in the ring anyway, as Punk has been at his best on the mic ever since winning the belt. Seriously, match of the night, probably match of the week. Kane looked vicious and Punk looked plucky and I thought the match was done WAY too soon (Kane’s first match as a heel is against the world champion?) but it was settled without killing of either guy as Punk got a rare clean countout win. I also loved seeing Batista save Punk just so he could have Punk at his best at the PPV, but I couldn’t help but notice the fans cheer Batista over Punk.

Which means booking Punk’s first major title defense against Batista is either the best or the worst thing WWE could have done for his title reign.

Worst thing: Punk stays face, but the fans prefer the established face, Batista, and boo Punk, who should be getting a major underdog face response at GAB.

Best thing: The pressure of everyone gunning at him, the criticism that he didn’t earn his belt, and the fans cheering Batista over him causes Punk to turn heel. I think we saw a glimpse of Punk’s frustration when he shoved Batista tonight. I think turning Punk heel now is a bit too soon, but if it’s a gradual thing, and if Punk does his “straight edge and better than you” gimmick, it would get over HUGE. Unfortunately, WWE hasn’t made Punk’s straight edge lifestyle part of a storyline in the two years he’s been with the company, so it doesn’t seem like they’re comfortable putting it in, either that or they don’t know how to approach it. Either way, GAB will determine what’s next for CM Punk. If he gets cheered over Batista or even a mixed reaction, keep him babyface but if the fans turn on him like they did last night, it’s time for heel Punk.

Speaking of character development, I think it’s official that WWE has dropped all the incestuous connotations from Burchill and Katie, but I’m glad they’re giving them some sort of gimmick still, or at least the announcers are doing a good job convincing me they have a gimmick. Cole and JR tell me every week how Paul and Katie are “rich kids” and that Paul is a “ruffian”. This could be a very interesting gimmick, but like Punk’s straight edgeness, it needs to come through in the storylines, not just in the announcing. Birchall keeps being put in big matches, performing well, and losing every one. He needs a big win or his character will suffer. I wouldn’t give him the IC title or anything drastic like that, but let him beat Kofi clean, non title, then lose a PPV blowoff in the Summerslam opener. The IC title has been shafted for too long, it needs to be defended at every PPV from now on.

Lastly, I really like that week after week, we’ve been seeing talented guys like Paul London, Jamie Noble, and Charlie Haas, that we wouldn’t normally see, wrestling. Problem is they’re all being squashed. Noble is as hilarious as usual in his formulaic gimmick on Raw, but the reason it worked on Smackdown is because they actually let Noble win a few matches. I thought for sure he’d come out on top of his brawl with fellow Jobber To The Stars Snitsky, but then I remembered that Snitsky is a foot taller than Noble, and that, according to WWE, makes him twelve times better. Don’t get me wrong, Snitsky’s good at what he does (looking creepy and throwing surprisingly high boots and kicks for a big man) but Noble has wrestling skill AND charisma, as well as a unique niche as a little guy who doesn’t base his repertoire off of flips.

Now TNA just needs to start making sense in their booking and we’ll be all set.

Since I haven’t posted in a while…

A short list of recent wrestling developments I have feelings about…

I’m excited about…

Ashley Massaro’s release: No wrestling skill, no charisma, and not really that good looking. As my friend Q once said, it’s really hard to look bad wearing a short plaid skirt with pink in your hair. But Ashley pulled it off. She was annoying as hell on the mic and putting her on Survivor was just a disaster. Since, she’s been botching match after match, including putting on the worst match I’ve ever seen live at Wrestlemania 23 against Melina.

CM Punk probably keeping the title after GAB: Batista is a very-talented main-event-performer, but WWE just doesn’t like to put the title on him. Last year, I think he went five ppvs in a row losing a world title match before finally winning it from The Great Khali. Since it’s face vs face, I expect Punk to keep the belt. Hopefully he’ll win it clean, though I have a feeling interference will be involved. Punk vs Batista also just seems natural. Batista was the first guy Punk thanked after winning the belt, and he helped him do it.

Kofi Kingston’s feud with Paul Birchall: I thought Birchall was a perfect first contender for the IC title, but I thought it was too perfect for WWE to go ahead with. The Monday happened. Birchall looked vicious attacking Kofi Monday night and I can’t wait to see where WWE goes with this feud. Hopefully they’ll let this one go to PPV, unlike Birchall/Kennedy.

Someone backstage sabotaging Raw: First Vince, now Monday’s events, I love the idea of someone (hopefully Regal) running around Raw making life miserable until he’s re-instated (his 60 days are coming pretty close to expiring, no?). Regal is the kind of fresh heel Raw needs. Regal vs Punk as the KOTR final was great, for the world title these two would KILL.

I’m skeptical about:

Kane’s heel turn: I knew one of the three faces in the main event had to turn heel, as five big faces (Punk, Cena, Batista, Kane, HBK) and only two big heels (JBL, Y2J) is just too much. Kane’s turn makes it 4-3. However, Kane’s heel turn was the most obvious, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. It’s easy to take Kane, who has nothing going on and is frustrated after losing hte title, and turn him heel. In Kane’s ten years in the WWE (A decade of mediocrity?) he’s turned ten times by my count (with the help of Wikipedia). Kane is always better as a heel, but Cena or Batista would be MUCH more interesting. Kane as an insane heel feuding with Cena is a good idea and will be much more interesting than Cena/JBL. Instead, they should use JBL in a feud against a rising midcard face star on Raw like, um, is there any rising midcard face star on Raw besides Kofi?

Tony Atlas as Mark Henry’s manager: Funny how in the story line Tony came to ECW looking for a payday. Tony Atlas was horrible as a ring announcer, something even Lilian Garcia can handle, and my guess is he’ll be just as bad on the mic. And not even funny bad like The Iron Sheik. Atlas doesn’t have name recognition to make up for his lack of mic skills. Basically, there’s no reason why this guy should be on TV. Henry can do his own promos. Get Atlas out of here. And what about Theodore Long? Was he in on it or are we expected to believe that Henry and Atlas came up with a plan in the half hour they had from when Atlas was announced until he did the ring announcing. My guess is WWE won’t even handle that question and will ignore it.

WWE retconning ANOTHER wrestler’s name: From Atlas Ortiz to Ricky Ortiz in just a week? By the way, both names suck. And that promo he did with Lena? Most akward promo ever.

Raw just got Punk’d

Wow, after weeks of complaining about predictable storylines and young guys not being pushed in WWE, Raw goes ahead and crowns three new champions, all talented, young guys.

DiBiase and Cody Rhodes we saw coming, Kofi Kingston winning the IC title was a pleasant surprise. With Kofi as champion, the intercontinental title is going to go back to being a midcard belt, giving younger guys the chance to challenge for the belt.

However, the huge surprise came last night when CM Punk won the World Heavyweight title. I thought this was a possibility, but quickly decided it wouldn’t happen on WWE’s flagship show, where new talents are rarely pushed. However, last night, it happened, it really happened, the one night I wasn’t watching Raw live. Maybe it’s for the best, I totally would have marked out for it.

Punk winning the belt, for me, is equatable to your favorite indie band getting signed to a major label and coming out with a hit single. The sense of joy combined with a fear that Punk’s character may be ruined by the main event. However, for now, it seems like Punk, at least for one night, was almost treated like a champion. Admittedly, his win over Edge made him look weak, but he took care of JBL ALMOST on his own. One good angle WWE could do is keep up with this “Punk vs The World” storyline they’re teasing on WWE.com. If everyone, both heel and face, is after Punk, making him the ultimate underdog with him proving himself week after week by winning matches, Punk can get into the main event picture and stay there even without the belt. I’m also totally down with them taking the world title off Edge, not only because I think he’s overrated, but also because when Taker comes back, his feud with Edge is going to be so hot that it won’t need a world title to give it steam.

I just really hope they let Punk keep the belt for more than three months. Anything less and we’ll have another Rob Van Dam on our hands, where he wins the belt once and never gets near it again.

What Supplemental Draft?

This afternoon, I went from wondering if there would be a WWE supplemental draft to wondering when it would end. I refreshed WWE.com every few minutes to see 16 draft picks, one every ten minutes, resulting in about three hours of relatively meaningless drafts, with a few notable exceptions.

Bad moves:

Mark Henry to ECW, wasn’t he already there?

Hornswoggle to ECW, why is Hornswoggle even a draftee. The guy does NOTHING but tired comedy spots which weren’t even that funny in the 80’s.

Jamie Noble to Raw: Great, now the guy is just going to be buried even worse. What do you do with the most underrated star on the WWE roster? Easy, put him on the most crowded and talent-heavy show and expect him to make a name for himself.

Big Daddy V to Smackdown: So I just have to change the channel for large intervals when BDV comes out on a different night and network. Thanks for keeping me informed, WWE.

Brian Kendrick to Smackdown: With no cruiserweight title and a struggling tag division, London and Kendrick should have stayed together. Apart, I doubt either London or Kendrick will see the light of prime time television in the near future.

Maria to Smackdown: The most genuinely beautiful WWE diva belongs in the spotlight, on Raw. Smackdown constantly puts on shitty womens matches, which Maria is suited for, but still.

Layla to Raw: She’s hot and she’s got ring potential. Have her incorporate dance moves into her wrestling and you’ve got Layla as a good heel OR face. Right now, I love her as a pissed off evil heel.

Good moves

Trevor Murdoch to Smackdown: Ever since I saw him give Cody Rhodes the Canadian Destroyer, I’ve taken a new liking to the guy. When he came in I hated him for his look and his old-school wrestling style (minus the Canadian Destroyer). Nowadays, I like him for both of those reasons and I hope he does decent things on Smackdown. Separating him from Cade is a good move. If WWE wants to use Cade in a main event feud, it’s best not to remind us of his three years on a midcard tag team.

DH Smith to Smackdown: So there goes all the internet speculation about Ted Dibiase Jr’s partner. I hope WWE changed their plans and purposely did this after Dibiase basically told a fan who the partner was. So hopefully WWE puts Cody as the mystery partner and goes forward with the 3rd Generation stable. But wait, you say a stable is three men and Rhodes and Dibiase are only two?

Deuce to Raw: Or should I say Jimmy Snucka junior. This greaser is “Superfly’s” adopted son and Superfly is a cousin to Afa The Wild Samoan who’s father considered High Chief Peter Maivia (The Rock’s grandpa) a “blood brother”. It’s not exactly third generation, but WWE can pull a few creative strings to give the talented Deuce a makeover and capitalize off the name of one of the most popular WWE legends. Admittedly, Team 3G is looking like a longshot without Carlito and DH Smith, but it can still be done.

Super Crazy to ECW: Super Crazy has floundered on Raw. On ECW, he should be able to win some matches, or at least wrestle on TV every now and then. The world’s most out of shape luchador is still damn good in the ring and ECW should give him the chance to prove it.

Chuck Palumbo to Raw: Talented big man with a boring gimmick. Either get him off the bike or turn him into a total douchebag evil goon biker. His mini feud with Finlay was entertaining, as was his with Jamie Noble, so I have hope for him on Raw.

Matt Striker to Raw: Hidden behind a stupid gimmick and a perpetual moose knuckle is an athletically gifted guy who can cut a damn good annoying heel promo. The more exposure Striker gets, either as a wrestler or a manager, the better.

Shelton Benjamin to Smackdown: Super talented guy with a stupid gimmick. Get him off the mic, it ruins his character. Give him a good manager (NOT mama) and Shelton can be a great heel.

Finlay to ECW: He can put on decent brawls with any of the boring ECW championship candidates.

Carlito to Smackdown: Will we finally see Carlito team with his brother on the blue show like it’s been rumored (by the Carlito family!) for the past few months? With Rey gone, the Cools (remember, that is Carlito’s kayfabe last name) can get Raw’s hispanic audience back as faces.

Kofi Kingston to Raw: The guy’s good, but I feel like moving him to Raw is pulling the trigger too soon. He’s gonna end up a flash in the pan, like what WWE did with Shelton, and four years from now he’ll still be struggling on the midcard.

Other thoughts:

Mark Henry seems rushed into the ECW match, probably mainly because of Big Show’s injury. In a triple threat where a Raw, Smackdown, and an ECW guy are all going for the ECW title, you’d expect Henry to be the favorite, but with Kane being at the right time and place for both Raw and ECW tapings, he could easily retain.

WWE mishandled the whole Ross thing horribly and very nearly paid the ultimate price for a bad buisiness move.

I doubt that any WWE superstar was kept in the dark about their drafting. In fact, the Hardys, Batista, and CM Punk HAD to have known, as they wrestled matches representing their new brand THE NIGHT OF THE DRAFT. So WWE keep Ross in the dark, knowing the following things.

A) Ross has a live mic

B) Ross doesn’t take Vince’s shit and has walked out before.

C) Ross has a blog that he updates regularly where he breaks Kayfabe regularly.

Did WWE not think something like this would happen? I find myself wondering if they wanted Ross to freak out. WWE has shown in the past that they think Ross is replaceable, with WWE fans constantly forcing the company to come crawling back to Ross on their hands and knees. To me, this whole thing just feels wrong. I worry if WWE is maybe doing something stupid like trying to get Ross to quit. I’m personally glad Ross changed his mind and decided to stay at Smackdown. Ross is too smart to fall into a trap like that.

Thoughts on the draft and Night of Champions

Tonight, the WWE draft did what $3 million of Vince McMahon’s dollars couldn’t do, it made me excited to watch WWE TV. Excited not only for the night itself, but now for the foreseeable future of the WWE. Unlike past draft lotteries, this one seemed like it meant a lot, it’s going to mean a lot of changes for WWE and I for one am excited for them.

Rey Mysterio to Raw:

I’m still kind of questioning this decision. Rey Mysterio has for a long time been credited with making Smackdown one of the most popular shows among Hispanic audiences, a cool little factoid WWE used for a while. While Mysterio did do everything there was to do on Smackdown, now on Raw, he’s going to get lost in the shuffle. At least that’s how I felt at the beginning of the show. Now with Kennedy, Hardy, and HHH gone, there’s a big face gap that Mysterio should be able to fill. Rey and Jericho have been kept apart since their WCW days, so when Rey comes back and Jericho is done with HBK, the two should be able to put on some great matches with Rey playing the underdog to the evil heel Jericho.

Jeff Hardy to Smackdown:

Quite frankly, Jeff Hardy is not going to win the world title on Raw. Put him on Smackdown and he has a shot. Sure there’s HHH and Undertaker, but moving him to Smackdown makes Hardy a bigger fish in a smaller pond. Plus put Hardy in the ring with any of the Cruiserweights on Smackdown and you have a good match.

CM Punk to Raw:

It’s about damn time. Punk has fought pretty much every heel on ECW (about five of them) and it’s about time he move up. Will Punk have to take a step back from the main event slot he’s used to working on ECW? Yes, but in the long run this will be worth it. Punk can take on a whole new slew of talent and work his way to the top of the Raw roster in the old fashioned “fight your way to the top” way he did in ECW, except it might take him more than the less than a year it took in ECW. With his money in the bank contract, it makes even more sense to keep him on a major show.

Matt Hardy to ECW:

Basically, it looks like Matt’s going to drop the US title at Night of Champions, freeing him up for feuds on ECW. Once WWE realizes superheavyweights punching each other for the ECW championship isn’t going to sell, Matt Hardy should get the ECW belt within nine months, perhaps even working as a heel, remember his amazing heel run on Smackdown as Cruiserweight champion? Imagine that in a main event. That’s GOLD.

Jim Ross and Michael Cole switcheroo:

I never imagined this would happen. Why? Ross said in his own blog that he thought the draft was too big of a thing to waste on trading announcers. Breaking up Ross and Lawler with absolutely no fanfare is a horrible move. Ross himself seemed confused by it. If WWE is going to keep the announcers uninformed about happenings to keep realism, at least make the announcers aware of something like this. To really show that Smackdown truly is the B show, look at Ross’s reaction. The guy looked like he was about to cry while Foley and Cole seemed downright apologetic.

Batista to Raw:

Note to Randy Orton: GET WELL SOON. Whether they’re teaming or feuding, Batista and Orton have great chemistry and a whole lot of history. The intense Batista vs the methodical Orton has the potential to be a great storytelling main event. At the same time, Batista looked like a heel at One Night Stand, putting together a new Evolution with Orton as the injured mouthpiece, Batista as the main event wrestler, and Birchall and Cade as the next generation is a great idea. Of course, it seems like I’m always advocating for some stable or another on this thing. With Team 3G looking like a sure thing, two stables on one talent-limited show doesn’t seem feasible. Besides, Batista will probably stay face.

Umaga to Smackdown:

Umaga vs Undertaker FTW. Umaga vs Big Show FTW. Umaga vs Jamie Noble (assuming it’s not a squash) FTW. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Noble is on his way to winning any time soon.

Kane to Raw:

ECW being taped with Raw means Kane will retain against Big Show at Night of Champions. Maybe putting him on Raw against new opponents will make him interesting again but, eh, not really that much. Let’s face it, Kane isn’t that great in the ring any more. Put his mask back on and have him form a masked tag team with Mysterio to bring back the awesome Kane that teamed with X Pac. The Kane that convinced me X Pac could be interesting.

Mr. Kennedy to Smackdown:

Does it not seem like he just left? Overall, Kennedy’s brief move to Raw is going to be the difference between Kennedy as a midcard heel and Kennedy as an upper midcard face. However, Kennedy is going to be lost in the shuffle on Smackdown just like he was on Raw competing with Hardy in the upper midcard and trying to get to the main event competing with guys like HHH and Undertaker.

HHH to Raw:

Hopefully this is going to be the end of Smackdown as the “B show”. Putting their top talent on their not so top show is a good move, it also gets HHH away from the constant conflict of interest of working for the show his wife writes for.

So how do you solve the problem of too many faces on Smackdown? (HHH, Undertaker, Jeff Hardy, Kennedy) You turn HHH HHHeel. Trips is a great heel on the mic who, in my opinion, is boring presently on Raw, moving him to Smackdown is a great idea. So how do you turn HHH heel? And how do you solve the problem of two champions on Smackdown?

HHH loses to Cena at Night of Champions to something like a rollup. HHH freaks out and goes batshit heel crazy with his sledgehammer on Cena. The next night on Raw, it’s announced that WWE officials have filed a restraining order against HHH on behalf of Cena, meaning you get all the fun of HHH going heel without another HHH vs Cena feud. Plus, it makes HHH/Cena at Wrestlemania 25 so big that neither man needs a title to make the match a main event. As a heel, HHH can feud with either Kennedy or Hardy while the returning Taker feuds with Edge and gets the belt back. Taker vs an evil heel HHH will put two main event guys who deliver in the ring together in a main event featuring recognizable names.

There are holes in this plan. Firstly, last night proved that fans are still not all ’bout John Cena. The champion on the number one show needs to be cheered, so hopefully San Antonio was a fluke. The one thing we know for sure is that WWE can’t have two champions on the same show. And no, the ECW championship does not count. Edge can’t lose the belt after just a month and as hot as Batista has been lately, he shouldn’t be a face champion on WWE’s signature show.

It’s this kind of speculation that makes the draft so exciting for me. I’m looking forward to ECW, Smackdown, and most importantly Night of Champions, where hopefully Summerslam will start to shape up. I’d love to see Edge defend vs. Jeff Hardy at the Great American Bash before dropping the belt to Taker at Summerslam. As for Cena’s opponent, I’d say either a heel Batista or Jericho. The problem is that both have the potential for the crowd to cheer them over Cena.

So as excited as I was about the draft lottery, the repercussions at night of champions, etc. Multiply that by two. Now put the whole equation in parenthesis with a negative sign in front of it. That’s how I feel about the end of Raw tonight.

OK, I’m glad Vince was OK at the end, I was legitimately scared we had another incident on our hands like last year where Vince faked his own death to overshadow some legimately exciting roster changes. There are much easier ways to get out of doing million dollar mania. Why not have Vince go heel and say the fans don’t deserve his money? That sounds like a much easier fix than staging an accident, another tasteless move especially given TNA’s recent tragedy where a worker really was killed by a faulty set. And for me, it brought up memories of Owen too, for me still the most tragic WWE loss, mainly because it happened live and because I was young and remember the entire thing so vividly. If this gets Vince off TV, great, but I have a feeling even if he doesn’t come back for a month or two, we’re going to hear about this ridiculous angle far too much while young talents are working their asses off to play second fiddle to a fake injury.

DVD Review: Chikara King of Trios 2008

I first found out about CHIKARA pro wrestling searching for videos of Claudio Castagnoli on Youtube. Judging from this match alone, I figured CHIKARA was no different than ROH or FIP, an organization stressing quality wrestling over storylines and showmanship with bad production values. However, once I visited CHIKARA’s official website I realized I was dead wrong.

CHIKARA further differentiated itself earlier this year with a 28 team trios (or six man tag as us Americans refer to it) tournament held over three nights. The result was a weekend of sellout shows at the ECW arena for CHIKARA and about 10 hours of wrestling (over six DVDs) for wrestling fans. Recently, I took two weeks to watch the weekend of action to figure out just what exactly CHIKARA is all about.

For the tournament, CHIKARA not only used their own talent, but brought in talent from Japan, Mexico, Canada, Hawaii, and various organizations from around the United States as well as bringing in a few recognizable names in the form of The One Man Gang and Demolition (who competed as team WWE) and former WCW star Glacier (you know, the guy who WCW created to capitalize off the popularity of Mortal Kombat (no lie!)).

While reviewing every match on the card would spoil six dvds of mostly good wrestling and take forever, here are a few general comments about CHIKARA itself and some of their talent.

CHIKARA sometimes seems like they’re trying too hard to be Mexican wrestling. Their website refers to talent as “technicos” and “rudos”, they wrestle every match under lucha rules (remember those from WCW? Every time a wrestler leaves the ring, that counts as a tag) and their roster is full of masked wrestlers. The problem is this isn’t Mexico and I don’t think American fans will ever completely embrace the idea of lucha libre. CHIKARA even refers to their tag titles as whatever the Spanish phrase for World Tag Team Champions is, creating some completely unnecessary challenges for both wrestlers and commentators alike.

With the masks in CHIKARA comes ridiculous comedy gimmicks. There’s a trio of soccer-playing goats called Los Chivas, a tag team of Ice Creams (no lie) called “Los Ice Creams” (is the plural Ice Creams or Ice Cream), and a luchador known as Player Uno though in CHIKARA’s defense, was a guest from the Canadian International Wrestling Syndicate. A video-game themed wrestler isn’t really a TERRIBLE idea per se, but the problem comes when a wrestler presses pause on the giant controller on Player Uno’s tights. You guessed it, Player Uno pauses and stops wrestling. While the three examples listed above are used for comedy, a trio of ants (Fire Ant, Soldier Ant, and Worker Ant to be precise) are played straightfaced the entire event, even though Fire Ant uses a Fireman’s Carry (get it?) regularly and Soldier Ant has incorporated a salute into a variety of his moves (think John Cena). Lastly, Worker Ant wears a fanny pack to the ring. Luckily, he takes it off before wrestling, but still, what kind of worker wears a fanny pack? He’s not freaking Tourist Ant!

On the heel side of things, Chikara’s ridiculous gimmicks don’t seem as ridiculous, or at least they’re more entertaining. I’m not sure what Exactly the Gimmick of the Order of the Neo Solar Temple is, but they’re supposed to be a purposely ridiculous heel trio of monsters, from what I can tell. For a reason that is not explained, one member, Hydra, wears a giant muscle suit. Perhaps the most entertaining of all of CHIKARA’s ridiculous gimmicks are Team Egypt, comprised of the Funky Pharaoh Onasis (think Booker T in his prime dressed like an ancient pharaoh) and his tag team partner Ophidian (who incorporates snake-like moves into his arsenal) joined in the trios tournament by Mecha Mummy (think WCW’s Yeti only less gay (side note, has Tony Schiavonne ever heard the word Yeti used before this? Yet-tay? Also, if you want to know why the Yeti is a mummy, just remember, this is WCW. Yes, this whole charade took place during a world title match. To make the whole thing more ridiculous, Hogan “Killed” The Giant in a monster truck challenge earlier in the night).

Actually, compared to WCW, CHIKARA’s gimmicks are looking pretty realistic.

The tournament layout itself is pretty standard until you get to the final eight. In most matches, I was able to predict the winners based on how much the commentators push the guys. Once you get to the elite eight though, all bets seem to be off.

The announcing is at times the best and the worst thing about the DVD. Given ten hours of footage, the commentary team is on rotation. One thing they all have in common is that they’re all wrestling marks, marking out for moves and making constant old school wrestling references. They put all the talent over really well, but sometimes they’re just reaching, an example is Eddie Kingston inexplicably singing a song by indie rock wannabees The Bravery (a decent band in their own right, but come on, they try WAY too hard to be indie when they’re clearly produced) while doing commentary.

CHIKARA’s tag team champions Delirious and Hallowicked are teamed up with the promotions other champion, Young Lions Cup holder Helios (the Young Lions cup is contested in a tournament every year, then contested as a regular title amongst the promotions younger wrestlers), so you know they’re going far in the tournament. CHIKARA owner Mike Quackenbush is teamed with a Skyde, who the commentators keep telling me is a legend, and Shane Storm, a very sloppy Lucha-style wrestler with a ridiculous mask who the commentators seem to cream themselves over every time he steps in the ring, so you know they’re going far.

Team WWE of Demolition and One Man Gang all had their heyday in the 80’s so they’re clearly not going far in the tournament, the booking is usually predictable like that.

I give up, here’s a spoiler since I accidentally spoiled myself halfway through the tournament. Tournament winners Team Mexico are great at the lucha wrestling that they do, don’t get me wrong, but I think at this point in my life, my wrestling tastes are starting to change. While I used to cream myself over guys like Ultimo Dragon and Super Crazy, today I’d rather see a Japanese kick the shit out of someone than watch a luchador do six or seven flips only to end it in an armdrag.

To me, the tournament standouts are Team BLKOUT, which is just full of misnomers.

Despite their team name, only Ruckus is African-American, Eddie Kingston wears the Puerto Rican flag on his tights, and Joker is referred to as being Cambodian.

Despite his name, Joker only wears facepaint during one of four matches, and it doesn’t resemble either the card or the Batman villain. He does, however, have a scar on his face which makes him look a bit like Jack Napier.

Despite Ruckus’ high-flying moves and Joker’s strong-style wrestling, BLKOUT are old school heels all the way, using cheap tactics and getting crowd heat using tried and true tactics. While Kingston may not have the high-risk arsenal of Ruckus or the physique of Joker, he stands out as the most charismatic on the team, immediately making him the best heel. Kingston can get a reaction from the crowd be it in the ring or on the sidelines and relies more on his presence and storytelling than wrestling skill, which makes him a polarizing figure among indie wrestling enthusiasts. Personally, I’d love to see the guy in TNA, WWE, or ROH. We’re getting one of those soon, unfortunately, it’s ROH, which has the least mainstream exposure and whose fans are most likely to rip Kingston to shreds, as many have already started doing online.

Overall, the DVD is worth the time, but maybe not the money. The three DVDs, sold separately, are going to set you back a steep $60. Gross.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

TNA’s Cup Overfloweth

It’s time once again for TNA’s World X Cup. The once a year (er, roughly, skipping some years) tournament where TNA brings in X Division superstars from all around the world…just so they can make sure their own wrestlers beat them.

In the other three America’s X Cup or World X Cup tournaments, Team TNA has won two of the three. The America’s X tournament, which was when by Team Mexico, was immediately followed by a World X Cup tournament where TNA got their revenge, beating Team Mexico. Something tells me this year is going to be more of the same, but if you look at who’s booking it, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. In fact, according to prowrestling.com spoilers of the 6/19 edition of Impact, in the first two World X Cup matches, TNA picks up two wins over Team International. This is equatable to TNA bookers stroking each other off during writing meetings, trying to get their own wrestlers over at the expense of international talent who TNA should be courting instead of bringing in a for a few shows a year just to play glorified jobbers.

In fact, both TNA and WWE are severely lacking in Japanese talent right now. It used to be in WWE they at least had Taijiri and Kenzo Suzuki to give the show an international feel. Now, WWE has stocked up on British wrestlers, the majority of which are kept off television. Meanwhile, TNA has little to no international feel unless you count guys Samoa Joe. In today’s world where wrestling depends more on storylines than actual wrestling, I realize bringing in and getting over international talent is hard, but Taijiri was one of the most over guys on the WWE midcard during his run despite the fact that he was given little to no mic time. Instead, he got over the old fashioned way, by kicking the shit out of every superstar that comes his way. Plus look at Vladimir Kozlov. His squashes right now are boring, but the guy may have some potential once they let him put on an actual wrestling match. Kozlov’s English is awful, as you may remember during his “Double Double E” days (another great retcon move by WWE) which could actually get him over even more.

Of course, either company could always get a heel who doesn’t speak English over the old fashioned way. Give him an annoying, evil manager. Guys like Matt Striker and Armando Alejandro Estrada have shown that they can make effective heel managers while there are plenty of managers on the independent circuit who WWE could get a hold of for cheap. If Vince can give out 2 million in an attempt to gain new fans, he can spend some money to bring in a manager. Lastly, why not bring in a WWE legend as a manager. Someone with immediate overness that they can lend to a foreign baddie. A heel Roddy Piper perhaps or The Honky Tonk Man (I’m only half joking, I love Honky).

But back to the TNA World X Cup, despite the foregone conclusion as to who will win, it looks like we’ll get some entertaining matches along the way. Japan’s Naroki Doi and Masato Yoshino put on the match of the night last night against MCMG and Alex Kozlov looked really impressive in his match against Curry Man. I have a problem buying Team International captain Daivari as being billed as “Straight from Iran”. He’s playing the same character in TNA as he did in WWE, including speaking Farsi his entire promos, but Daivari always put on some pretty quality matches. Unfortunately, the best part about Daivari, his theme music, probably can not be used in TNA. Hopefully TNA can make some ripoff version of the theme.

You know the one. This one.

http://muhammadhassan.ytmnd.com/

http://hassanalien.ytmnd.com/

I miss Hassan and Daivari, I really do. It was a genius gimmick until creative turned it into racist, hatemongering bullshit, but back when Hassan would come out as a man legitimately bitter about the existence of racism in the 21st century after 9/11, he was a perfect heel because he thought (and I agreed from time to time) that what he was doing was right. Of course then you got the masked attackers whose purpose was to simulate a Jihadist beheading and shit went downhill. WWE creative said the gimmick was supposed to be about how when you’re treated like a monster, you start to become one. I’d say that was genius if I believed them. Truthfully, I think they got carried away with the controversy and ultimately shot themselves in the foot on what could have been a very deep, very important wrestling gimmick.